What I want

A friend of mine has a saying: "Do what you want." I wish I could do that. It's really good advice.

All my life I've seemed to mold my life around others. How can I make others happy? I put myself and my needs after the needs of others. I care about people. I care about others' feelings. I'm a good listener and I'll let someone else speak before I say anything.

I step to the side, let others go first. As long as my friends and family are happy and getting what they want, it doesn't matter if I don't get what I want. I can go without. I don't mind wallowing in my unhappiness for a little while if it makes someone else happy.

So--- I say a lot of things I sometimes don't mean. I keep a lot of my feelings inside so I don't hurt other people. I make others laugh; I laugh at other people's lame jokes. I hide when I'm angry or upset. I cry alone.

I'm sick of it! I hate showing two sides of me. I want to "DO WHAT I WANT," as my friend suggests. If I am hungry, I am going to eat. If I feel like crying, I am going to cry.

I want to live with my sister, Dad. It's closer to school and work. Trust me on this. I'll have enough money to go on my mission.

I'll probably sell my car. Yes, but give me some time. Let me figure it out. Don't tell me what to do. I want to do it my way.

I want to tutor instead of working at the grocery store. Yes, I'm quitting. Get over it.

I want to read Harry Potter. No interruptions, please. I want to blog. I want to write. I want to sing. I want to dance. Leave me alone. Don't make fun of me.

I want to be with my best friend. I don't want to date anyone else. I don't want him to date anyone else. I want to dance in the rain. I want to kiss in the snow.

This is me saying what I want. ----See me?---- I'm on my chair. (okay, not really, but it makes it seem more dramatic if I am standing up tall.) I am saying what I want. This time YOU can go without. I'm getting what I want... because I am going to DO WHAT I WANT.