Something I've learned

I enjoy living alone. It was better when I lived in my apartment. I can't think of a happier time than when I lived at my apartment. Sure, it was expensive. It would have been smarter to get a room mate. But I was really happy living alone. And I didn't go into debt over it. That's probably the coolest part.

It's free to live here. I'm house-sitting (watering the lawn, guarding it from burglers) until my parents get home. They're out of country--- for Military purposes. When I first moved back, I hated it. I wanted to go home, to my wonderful, perfect apartment, but I couldn't. I can never go back. I felt very homesick. I'd never been homesick before, but I was then. It was a little crazy because I grew up in this house, and I felt homesick.

I've learned a lot from not only living alone but from moving. Growing up, we never moved. I lived in the same house (the same room for a really long time too) my entire life. Yes, my dad was/is in the military, but he was never deported for more than 6 months at a time, so we just waited for him until he'd come back, bearing cookies and magnets upon his return home.

It wasn't hard for me to move into an apartment, a single bedroom with a kitchen, balcony, top floor. I had been dreaming and thinking about moving into one for as long as I can remember. Moving back, however, was another story. I never thought I'd be back. And for some reason, it was hard for me. I, in fact, hated everything about it. Instead of looking at the negatives, however, because I knew they were plentiful, I tried to make a list---a list of all the "happy" reasons for living at my parents' house while they are away. I came up with a pretty good list, and it helped me to have a little perspective on the situation and helped me to not feel so homesicky.

But the thing that helped the most was the advice from my best friend. She asked me where my heart is. "In my chest," I told her, all smart-alecky-like. "Then there is your home," she replied. "Home is where the heart is."

I really believe that. It's like the birthday thing. No matter where you are on your birthday, no matter what you're doing, it is your birthday and nothing can change that. I learned the birthday lesson when I turned 17 in Ohio. For some reason I was afraid that it wasn't really my birthday if I wasn't home. But it was. No matter where you go, there you are.

And I've learned that I can make a home anywhere, where ever I go.

So, when people ask me where I want to go on a mission and I say "I don't care," I really mean it. I used to be scared about where I'm going to go. Will I be able to make it into a home? The answer---I'm 100% positive about--- is yes. I can make where ever I go into a home. It will take some work, but I can do it. I can create a groove--- where ever I go.

I'm not saying that I'm not nervous or anxious about getting my mission call. I am. I'm just saying that I think I'm more prepared to open the envelope because of what I've learned. I don't think I'll freak out. Hopefully, anyway. I hope I don't freak out.