Just because I want something doesn't necessarily give me the right to have it. I was pretty selfish last weekend. I was only doing what I want. Not what I need to do. I've been slacking off in some things. And that's not like me. I want to blame someone else. But in all reality, it isn't his fault. It's mine. I didn't have my head on straight. I wanted to only do what I want. People do only what they want all the time. Why couldn't I?
I realized yesterday, however, that I'm not like other people. I'm not selfish. I care a lot about people and other people's feelings. And I can't change that characteristic in myself. No matter how hard I try I will always care about others and their feelings. It's my nature. I can't truly be selfish.
But it's fun sometimes: to be anti-social, to be only with my best friend/ boy friend and not do anything else, to care only about what I want and not worry about anyone else, to speak my thoughts, to be first...
So--- right now I'm trying to find a balance. I want to find somewhere between keeping my caring self and not shirking my responsibilities, and doing and getting what I want. There has to be a balance. I bet I can find it if I sit down. That is what I'm doing: sitting down. My stand--- declaring that I want to do what I want--- was a little hasty. I have to think this through. I'm not a selfish person, and if I become selfish I'll become someone/ something I'm not. I'll "blink," as my sister says, and not know who I am anymore and wonder how I became what I am.
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3 comments:
well, you're not selfish. quite the contrary. You're too selfless. What you are doing by spending so much time with your boyfriend is calld....AGE APPROPRIATE!!!! Keep this in mind. We were raised to be too responsible. Let your hair down. discover things about yourself and try new things. Not just food, but ideas and beliefs and people and colors and hair and music and books and...and...and...and...
It's the best gift you can give yourself. Stretch. Find out your place in space. It's only yours, and only you can fill it.
In the future I predict that people will be quoting you. And as Theadra says, "Stretch. Find out your place in space..."
This blog was mostly about me worrying that my best friend/boy friend would change me so much that I wouldn't know who I was anymore. What I am learning, however, is that he is doing oppositely. He is helping me to become a better me, someone who takes risks, is confident and courageous. Knowing him--like I told you-- makes me want to be a better person.
I've tried so many new things with this boy... It's fun. That's what we're doing: we're having fun. :)
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