I'm hungry... I'm sleepy... I'm scared... I love you... Go home... I feel awkward... I'm overwhelmed... This is what I want... This is what I think of this... I like this... I don't like that...
For the past 2-3 weeks or so, I have been saying what I think. I'm being more honest with myself and with others. I'm saying how I feel and what I want. It's hard to say what people are saying and thinking about me as I have been doing this.--- It's hard because I'm not other people; I'm just me and I like it that way.--- But I think saying my thoughts is a good thing.
My tendency--- for as long as I can remember--- is to keep everything (my feelings, my thoughts, desires etc.) to myself. If I'm afraid, I'll deal with it myself. If I'm sad, I'll cry by myself. In love? Keep it to myself and not tell the person I'm in love with, or anyone for that matter. Feeling awkward or overwhelmed? Don't bother my friends and family with it: they have their own problems to deal with; I'll eventually calm down by myself. Even if I'm sleepy, my nap can wait until later. Or if I'm hungry, I'll make my own lunch: good old p & j sandwich.
My sister told me last week that my mom doesn't necessarily like what I'm saying or how I'm saying my thoughts. I don't know if that's true or not. I'm not sure if Mom is telling her one thing and me another, or if she is finally saying what she thinks, too. But when I asked my sister what she thinks of me saying my thoughts, she described me as CATTY.
Maybe I am.
Is that a bad thing? I don't want to be mean and hurt others' feelings, but I think there are times when I should speak up for myself, say what I'm thinking. And that's what I'm trying to do. It's kinda new for me, so I'm still learning what things are okay to say and what things aren't. Be patient with me, my friends.
I think saying my thoughts is a good habit to get into because when I'm a missionary, I will be able to tell my companions (hopefully in a nice way) what I'm thinking about them. I'll be able to tell them when I appreciate their help, when I feel like they're stepping on my toes, when I'm overwhelmed and I need their support--- when I feel good about the way they are teaching and I can ask questions about how I can better improve the way I teach the Gospel....
My honesty will (or hopefully will) help the investigators as well. If I see something they're doing well at---praying more, reading the scriptures, etc.--- I can say my thoughts and applaud them for their efforts and good work in gaining and strengthening a testimony of Christ.
If I am honest with my companions and those I will teach, perhaps they will feel just as open to speak to me about the things that I am doing. Communication is good. It's good in any relationship.
So maybe I am Catty. But at least I'm beginning to communicate better; at least I'm trying to tell those around me how I am feeling and what I am thinking. (shrug)
Tuesday, August 28, 2007
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4 comments:
Sometimes it's the difference between what you're saying and how you're saying it. I think it's great that you're speaking your mind. Just be careful to do it kindly. (I know you're always kind.) The other thing you have to think about is that families are resistant to change in other family members. When I started to be more open about my thoughts, my family freaked until they got used to the new me. It's more healthy for you not to hold your feelings in.
Glad I found this blog today. Enjoyed the read and the photos.
Here comes an invitation to visit my blog--this week if possible--as my "Spotlight the Youth" contest ends Friday, and lots of votes are needed to make it work. So please spread the word.
Thanks so much.
First of all. I LOVE THAT YOU'RE CATTY!!!! (you forgot to add that in your blog) I think it's amazing and wonderful and fantastic and helps me to "get' you. I love it.
besides, we talked about the difference between Catty and Bitchy. You, my dear darling, are catty. I am bitchy.
Well, I vote that you're none of the above. Not a one. Honesty is a good quality and I've got to agree with BB--it's usually more the approach than the actual content that's an issue.
That said, I think it's good that you're not being a doormat!!
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