Murphy is probably right, but it's good to have Bill back in my life

My sister was right. (I bet she will love to hear that. She says that her favorite thing to hear is "You were right!") I love the book In a sunburned country by Bill Bryson. I bought it and read it when I first got my mission call to go to Perth, Australia, per request of my fabulous sister.

I read it with an insatiable urge to learn all I could about Australia. (I've talked about the book several times on this blog.)

About three or four weeks ago, I misplaced my copy of Bill Bryson's book. The problem is I like to read where ever I go; I take my books with me.... everywhere, meaning this book could be ANYWHERE. I haven't found it yet. And... it's silly, but I miss it. I miss quoting it, reading it, having it with me. I get attached to the books I read and really enjoy. I especially found this book interesting and engaging, probably because I am going to Australia.

I finally broke down and bought it again. According to Murphy's law, I will probably find my lost copy. (lol) I will have TWO copies of In a sunburned country by Bill Bryson. I don't care. It's good to have Bill back in my life.

In celebration of having my Aussie book back I would like to quote something from the book:

Even without arriving fresh from an incident of criminal excitement, Perth is a cheery and welcoming place. There is first of all the delight in finding it there at all, for Perth is far and away the most remote big city on earth, closer to Singapore than to Sydney, though not actually close to either. Behind you stretches seventeen hundred miles of inert red emptiness all the way to Adelaide; before you nothing but a featureless blue sea for five thousand miles to Africa. Why 1.3 million members of a free society would choose to live in such a lonely outpost is a question always worth considering, but climate explains a lot. Perth has glorious weather, good-natured weather---the kind that sets the postman to whistling and puts a spring in the step of delivery people. Architecturally Perth has no particular distinction--- it is a large, clean, modern city: Minneapolis Down Under---but its sharp and radiant light makes it a beauty. You will never see bluer city skies or purer sunlight bouncing off skyscrapers than here. (275-6)

I think I would LOVE to meet Bill Bryson. I wonder if I will run into him on the streets of Perth somewhere, walking with a little spring in his step, whistling and admiring the city's tall sky scrapers. I am excited to go to Australia. Having this book again has reminded me how much I am. It's good to have you back, my old friend Bill Bryson! :)

In the spot light

I'm not used to being the center of attention. I've been in it before. I was in a play once, and I've sung solos for choir, church and whatnot. I do fine in the spot light... sometimes. (I've made a fool of myself a few times.) I prefer, however, not to be watched. I do better on the side lines than center stage where all eyes are on me, waiting for me to either mess up or succeed. I get nervous easily; I get embarrassed quickly. I'd much rather watch others step up to the spot light and succeed and then be there for them to congratulate them. But I have been in the spot light before, yes. And I do just fine, normally.

I've never, however, been in the spot light like I feel like I am now. It's intimidating. It's scary. It's BRIGHT. I'm afraid I'll do something stupid. I want to make everyone proud. But it is intimidating having everyone watch me... gossip about me. I don't care that people are talking about me, really. It's just--- when I find out what they are talking about, I feel like I have to correct them. "Yes, Mac and I are really close. He's kinda my boy friend--- not really any more, to tell you the truth. But what does that have to do with you thinking I'm not going on a mission?" is what I want to ask people. "There's not really a connection between them...." I am, by the way, going on a mission. Why do people think I'm not, or worry that I won't?? Do my actions give that impression??... (shrug)

Perhaps it is good that people are watching me. It's good practice for my mission. The whole world will be watching me then. I will have to be standing in the spot light the entire year and a half, letting people see what I do: what I eat, what I say, how I bear my testimony, how I treat my companion, how I'm kind to those I meet... etc. The world will be watching me. It's kind of exciting and intimadating at the same time.

LIGHTS. CAMERA. ACTION.... uhhhhh---- hi!

goo goo doll's Iris

"And I'd give up forever to touch you
Cause I know that you feel me somehow
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be
And I don't want to go home right now

And all I can taste is this moment
And all I can breathe is your life
Cause sooner or later it's over
I just don't want to miss you tonight

And I don't want the world to see me
Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When every thing's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming
Or the moment of truth in your lies
When everything seems like the movies
Yeah, you bleed just to know your alive

And I don't want the world to see me
Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

I don't want the world to see me
Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am"

Bright Red Luggage...

I went shopping yesterday with my parents. It was good and bad. Mostly good. I was able to get temple clothes so I can go through the temple on Saturday. (I'm really, really excited to go through the temple!! I'm soooo happy I was finally able to find a day to go!!)

After we finished buying temple clothes, which took a little while--- it was hard to make a decision with Mom and Dad hovering over me, giving me lots and lots of advice. (ha ha!)I was beginning to think that I should have gone alone...--- I talked to Dad about a sale that I saw at Murvyn's for luggage. We went and took a look at them. The sale was even better than I remembered it to be: 55% off all luggage. Dad asked for a Senior discount, retired discount, military discount; looking at me he asked for a missionary discount, and any other discount he could think of. I love my dad! He makes me laugh. Even though we couldn't get a bigger discount, the 55% off was a good price, and Dad said he was happy with the purchase, not too bad of a price.

I was happy because I got BRIGHT RED LUGGAGE. It's what I've been wanting. It looks kind of like the picture below:

Buying the luggage made me think a lot about Australia...! Not only packing, etc--- which buying my luggage certainly made me think about; Mom is so cute, but I really don't think I need to buy all that much stuff, like a travel pillow that I will probably toss when I get there and a lint brush that I can probably pick up there...( ha ha!)--- I also have been thinking about the people and the country.

When we went out to eat, for lunch, the lady at the deli shoppe was from England and we were able to ask her questions about what she thought of Australia and about the money system. In England, they use pounds. In Australia, they have Aussie dollars. It was fun to talk to her and to think about Australia....! I can't wait to go.

I sit here, in my room, and look at my luggage and I think about how soon it will be for me to go! It's almost October, really. I leave in the end of November. It's coming fast. So fast that I'm buying luggage already. In my opinion, that's pretty cool. And my bright red luggage looks great!--- I'm not gonna lose those bags in air port security!

Australia slang

While google-ing today, I found a fun list of slang words from Australia. Some of them are pretty silly. I don't know if I'll hear any of them when I go, but they're still fun to read. Jasmine, one of the Perth RMs I met with last week, said she had a companion from Delaware and she would make a list of all the words that were foreign to her with their meanings so she could understand the people. I'm not really worried about not understanding the people. I'll get used to the accent, I'm sure. (Maybe I'll even pick it up.)

Anyway, here is the list I found. Now, if you want to sound Australian, you can. And you and I can talk Australian if you want. I'd like to try a couple of the fun ones out. Happy reading!

"Don't know what we are talking about, be prepared and know our slang at least you won't look like a drongo.

* Ankle Biter - small child
* Arvo- afternoon
* Back of Bourke - middle of nowhere ... also called 'beyond the black stump'
* bail out - exit leave
* Banana Bender - person who resides in Queensland
* bludger - lazy person not working
* Beaut - fantastic, wonderful, the best.
* Billy - Pot of Tea
* Bingle - motor vehicle accident
* Bizzo - business bloke - man, guy
* Blowie - Blow Fly
* Blue - fight (have a fight/blue)
* Bluey - Bluebottle jellyfish
* Bogan - unkempt slack messy person with low education
* Bonzer - fabulous, great, cool, ripper
* Bugga- bad luck, oops
* Cark it - to die
* catch ya later - Goodbye
* chick - girl, woman
* chook - chicken
* chuck a wobbly - lose ones temper
* Cozzie - swimmers (NSW ) Also Known as Togs (QLD) and Bathers (Vic, SA) depending on the State. Also can be called Budgie smugglers is the case of male speedos.
* Cobber - friend, mate
* Coo-ee - hello (outdated) can be yelled out when looking for someone in the bush or can be used as a negative adjective, e.g. There's nothing within coo-ee of here
* Croweater - A South Australian
* dead horse - tomato sauce
* dead set - genuine,
* real dob - to tell on
* Dole Bludger- person who lives of solcial security and does not make any effort to get a job
* dinky die - genuine thing
* dole - government payment to people who dont work
* Do your Block - lose your cool (temper)
* dob - to tell on
* Drongo - idiot, stupid person.
* dunno - "I don't know"
* dunny - Toilet
* Earbash - to talk non-stop
* fair dinkum - true, real, honest
* fair go - give us a break
* galah - noisy person acting like an idiot
* Good on ya - good job
* g'day - hello, have a good day
* goon - really cheap alcohol, particularly very cheap cask wine
* grog - alcoholic drinks
* have a geez - to have a look (at something)
* hicksville - outback country town
* how are ya- greeting, warm welcome
* iffy - questionable
* knackered - tired, exhausted
* hooligan, idiot or troublemaker. Generally associated with someone who commits mindless acts of violence or destruction
* larrikin- usually used in an affectionate way. A larrikin is a trouble maker, but a harmless or loveable one
* joe blake -snake
* lemon - useless faulty thing
* lob in - visit someone
* loo - toilet
* mozzies - mosquites
* muso- musician
* No worries - its not a problem.
* Oodnagalabie - very far away, isolated, see also Back of Bourke and Whoop-Whoop
* pike - to quit or back out of something you said you would do
* p*ssed - drunk
* p*ssed off - annoyed and angry
* plonk - wine (usually cheap wine)
* ratbag - idiot
* ring in - foreigner also some one not invited or that should not be there
* ripper - great, cool, fabulous
* rooted - stuffed, tired, exhausted
* Sandgroper - Person from Western Australia
* she'll be right - everything is okay
* Sheila - woman
* shonky - not to be trusted/doesn't work properly
* Spunk - good looking person, adjective = spunky
* stubbies - short work shorts for men / small bottle of beer
* take the p*ss - make fun of, ridicule
* tall poppies - successful people... Tall poppy syndrome is the desire to undercut those who are more sucessful
* thingamajig - an item or thing
* too right - i agree
* true blue - true, real
* tucka- food
* thongs- flip flops, rubber sandles (the underwear is called a g-string here)
* Hoo-Roo - Good-bye
* whinge - to moan and complain
* whoop - whoop - outback
* wowser - boring, conservative person
* yobbo - unintelligent/crude person usually male
* youse - means you (plural)
* your Shout - your turn to buy a drink"

Reflections in a mirror: a really long blog

A New Reflection:
I can't think.
I can't breath.
Tears stream
down my cheek.

Who is that
in the mirror
looking at me?

It isn't the angel,
the child I once knew.
It isn't the girl,
so predictable and shy.

She is a rebel:
careless and hopeless;
tearful and less careful.

I want the old me.
I want to change
A Lot of things.

How can I turn back time?
Why can't I change this one thing?

This reflection is new.
Who is that in the mirror?

Right now
It frightens me...
embarrasses me...
to look and not see
that the girl is just me.
(April 26, 2007)

I see myself differently than others. I get that. This week I realized how much people are watching me. And they, most likely, are drawing conclusions and judgments about who I am. Normally I wouldn't care. I'm not one to worry about my social standings or whatnot. I don't gossip; I try not to judge. I sometimes forget that people actually do those things.

Most of the time I like being me. Of course, and unfortunately, there are moments---for example, on April 26, 2007, when I wrote the poem above--- that I don't necessarily like what I see when I look at my reflection in the mirror.

Apparently, I am the talk of the singles ward. Why? Because I am going on a mission. Not just any old mission, you see: Australia!--- very exciting. I guess I can't blame people for wanting to talk about it. It is very cool... or as Mac (my boyfriend/ best friend, remember?) would say, "tight."

Speaking of Mac, we're pretty close now, really good friends... who are... well, in love. People like to make judgments about that, too. Family members worry. Friends get sick of me talking about him and even, perhaps, feel jealous that I choose to be with him more than with them.

They can't see what I see when I look in the mirror--- or try to see when I look in the mirror: a girl who has a love for the gospel and a firm testimony that God has asked her to be a missionary, to teach and preach to the people in the Australia Perth Mission (APM... is what the RMs called it.)

For some reason, they see someone who is in love, which I am--- but they also see (or worry that they will see) a silly, naive girl who is on the verge of throwing away this awesome opportunity to go to Australia for a boy.

I wish I could assure them that I know what I'm doing. But I uhhh--- (confession here!) sometimes don't. This is my first real relationship with a guy. I've never had a boyfriend before, and Mac has never had a girlfriend before. And to complicate it all, I AM GOING ON A MISSION. Satan is real and he is tempting me. He wants me to look in the mirror and see a girl who isn't strong; to see a girl who cannot say no, who is afraid to try her luck in missionary work in a very foreign, dangerous land down under.

I wish that I could, instead, see the reflection that God sees. What does God see when He looks at me? Probably someone who is confident; beautiful, a daughter of God; a girl who is worthy to serve a mission and is, in fact, vital and important in His plan; someone who is loved and supported by those who are around her; also, she has the strength to overcome the trials she is given.

You see, I believe that God sees us as we can become. He sees our potential and He sees me differently than I do when I look in the mirror. I'm starting to see that reflection... sorta. I wish it wasn't so fuzzy. Why can't it be clearer? Does anyone have some Windex? Who's got the paper towels?

early-bird-byes

It's early, but I can't help it. I think about it all the time: Australia...! Naturally, I get in these--- uhhh--- moods. Along with feeling super excited, because Australia and being a missionary is going to rock, I also have a tendency to feel a little blue. I can't help it. I like my friends, specifically my boyfriend/ best friend, who I will, from now on, call Mac. (He still hasn't told me if it is okay to say his name on my blog where the entire world can read it. I don't think I have that many readers. Maybe I do. I'd be surprised if I did...)

Anyway, I wrote a song. I've never written a song before. I just started writing poetry, actually. The problem is, it doesn't have a melody. It doesn't have notes. It's just words: verses and a section that I think would make a good chorus.

This is still a rough draft, I think. Not only does it not have music, which I suppose is key to writing a song--- (no pun intended when I said "key.")--- but I also feel like there is something missing. Perhaps there is another verse that I still need to write. But here is what I have so far. Let me know what you think of it. I suppose it is still early to be thinking about saying goodbye... (I am not leaving to go on a mission until the END of NOVEMBER.) ... Nevertheless, I think about saying goodbye every day. Oh, also!--- the title. It's a little tooooo pradicatable. Perhaps I can think of a better title for it. Maybe when I write the un-written verse it will help me figure out a better title..... Again, here is what I have so far. It's called, for now, "Goodbye":

I will never forget
The love you've given to me.
But can't you see?
I have to leave.

chorus:
Goodbye hugs.
Goodbye kisses.
Goodbe maybes, what-ifs and wishes.
I'm leaving,
Goodbye.
I'm leaving, goodbye.

I'm leaving.
I'll see you when I get back.
Please--- don't forget to write back.

Don't ask me why
Just say goodbye.

[Repeat Chorus]

I've been avoiding the pain,
Standing here in the rain.
I hate losing you this way,
So I just ignore the pain [echo: ignore the pain, the pain, the pain]

And I want to wait to say
Goodbye.

[Repeat chorus]

I can't wait forever.
I wish I could stay with you forever.

But I'm leaving.
Goodbye.... [go into chorus]

g'day, mate!

The first time I heard of Perth was July 17, 2007--- the day I got my mission call. The word "Perth" sounded funny to me, almost like a cough. But I knew where it was. I had a map. Besides, Australia isn't too hard to find.

Telling my friends that I was going to "Perth" was exciting, though the word "Perth" still sounded like a foreign place.

After reading Bill Bryon's book--- which I still cannot find! If anyone has seen my In a sunburned country, let me know asap!--- the word "Perth" sounded less foreign to me. I was able to feel more familiar with the country, just reading the book. I have learned a little geography: I can tell you where Adelaide is in comparison to Melbourne or Alice Springs; Queensland in comparison to Sydney, etc. The book gave me a feel for the country.... But, in a way, Australia didn't seem all that real to me. Not yet anyway. It was more like a far away adventurous place that would be cool if it were only real.

Keith Urban gave me hope. Australia must exist if this really cool country star came from there...!

Today, the idea of going to Perth and being a missionary seems real, actually obtainable. And it is because I was able to talk with three very cool returned missionaries. They all served in Perth around the same time. It was fun to watch them reminisce about the mission, talk about their friends and the people they served. They showed me pictures and answered my questions. One of the return missionaries tried to scare me, but the other two assured me that I would be safe. I wouldn't even see a crocodile and I would get used to the spiders: if I left them alone, they would leave me alone.

Here are a few of the things I learned from them:

* I should learn to say "g'day, mate" correctly (people say it to each other all the time).
* I will probably mostly be in the city; they send the Elders to the Outback more than the Sisters.
* I won't see a Croc, except for in the zoo.
* Although I will probably use a bike, if I have a license, I have a high probability of getting a car.
* I should buy "sunnies," which are sunglasses. I can also wear a visor.
* I'll see TONS of kangaroos, anywhere there is good grazing.
* I will get to visit the temple often; in fact, it is right next to the Perth Missionary office.
* I will most likely be transfered to the Southern part of the mission, rather than the North.
*They call Burger Kings "Hungry Jacks"
*There is no real root beer in Australia, so it is very hard to get a root beer float.
* I'll have access to e-mail, but it will be very limited, only a 1/2 hour a week; and I can only e-mail immediate family members.
* "Flats" are apartments.
* I should buy flow-ey skirts so I can ride my bike. (One of the returned Sister missionaries told me how to hike up my skirt to ride a bike.)
* They eat a lot of lamb and fish.

I actually learned a lot more than that, but that gives you a taste of the things that we talked about. We could have talked all night. The more we talked the more excited I got and the more questions I had for them. Also, the more we talked, the more THEY got excited and the more they thought of stories they could tell me.

It was a very neat experience, and--- like I said--- it makes it seem like Perth is a real place. It really does exist! And I'm going there! Soon--- I'll be able to say the word "Perth" and it will feel like home to me....

Aussies are awesome, you know.

I just got back from the Keith Urban concert! It was in Salt Lake and it ROCKED! Keith Urban is an Aussie, and (as you know)Aussies are awesome! Keith Urban is so talented and good looking! His accent was cool, too. I wish he and I could have talked----

He was very impressed with our energy and enthusiasm. We screamed pretty loud. (I have a sore throat to prove it.) And he said, "I think I'm moving to Salt Lake!" My thought, after he said this, was Man! NOW you're gonna move to Utah, right when I'm about to leave to go to Australia--- where you're from...!

I was planning on seeing Keith Urban before I got my mission call, but for some reason, knowing that I am serving in Australia made this concert a little more special to me. I felt like there was this special link between me and Keith, you know... I'm going to Australia, his home country.

Sometimes Australia seems really far away. It's on the other side of the world, for goodness sake. But here I see an awesome Aussie: the very talented, good looking Keith Urban, the first real Aussie I've seen---- and I can't help but think, wow! Australia DOES exist. Keith Urban lived there, grew up there....

And then... Australia doesn't seem so far away.

Perth Australia temple

There IS a temple in Perth!--- I wasn't sure if there was a temple in Australia. But there is! Isn't it beautiful? I don't know if I will be able to go to it--- probably not very often, but it is nice to know that there will be a temple where I am going. I can't wait--- by the way--- to go through the temple and recieve my endowments. I'll be going in the next month or so (in Ogden, Utah temple).... I'm really, really, really excited. :)

And I'm very, very happy there is a temple in the area I will be serving in.

always with you

I'm spending
All my time with you.

There's nothing else
I'd rather do.

I'm thinking
Of all the things we do,
And loving all the moments
I've shared with you.

And when we're apart,
I'm wishing
We weren't.

I look forward
To being with you,
Hearing your voice,
And holding your hand.

I don't quite understand,
But I love spending
All my time with you!

Always, Always...
I want to be with you!

(I wrote this August 25, 2007)

Confidence to Serve

I'm not getting married. Not now, anyway. I'm going on a mission!--- Seriously, I am. I don't understand the confusion that is, apparently, floating around from family member to family member, friend to friend. I'm not marrying my boy friend. I'm not getting married right now. I'm going on a mission!

I guess I can see where there is a little confusion. I hang out with him a lot. Yes, yes. And I am in love. (I've never been in love before. It is exciting, breath-taking and fun!...) But we don't hang out because we're planning on getting married. We don't even expect to be boy friend and girl friend when I get back from Australia. (At least, I don't. Whatever happens will happen, I suppose.) The only thing that we are certain about is that we are best friends... ALWAYS!

It's interesting how, in general, you begin to acquire traits from the people you hang out with the most. Hanging out with my boy friend/ best friend has helped me to acquire some very cool, interesting traits. Along with a long list of things, the biggest, and probably the most helpful, I'd have to say, is CONFIDENCE.

Being his best friend and knowing that he loves me gives me this... huge.... super-power like confidence in myself that I never thought possible. I've always been a little shy, afraid to speak up. Now I feel like "shouting from the roof tops!" as Rascal Flatts would describe it.

I've always been a cautious person, afraid to try new things: experiences, challenges, food, etc. I think about all the possibilities of 'what could go wrong!' and I generally scare myself out of doing it. Not anymore. I'm not saying that I'm totally out of control and I do crazy things for the heck of it. But I am willing to try new things. I'm not afraid!--- Why should I be when I know my boy friend/ best friend is right there, loving me and supportive of me trying new things? Even when he isn't right there, holding my hand, I don't feel afraid. When I got some shots, for example, he wasn't there with me. I was--- let's face it--- deathly afraid: all of the possibilities of 'what could go wrong' started to scare me a little; but I was wearing his hat and I knew that he wouldn't want me to be scared. So I wasn't.

I am feeling confident: in my looks, words, work, abilities, talents...! And I am confident that I am going to be the best missionary I can be. He was once a missionary, you know. And he was great! Perhaps if I hang out with him enough, he will teach me the secrets to a successful mission. "I want to make you proud," I once told him. He smiled and said, "I know you will."

I want to!! I want to!!... I want to be a great missionary in Australia! I want to be brave... because Australians aren't afraid of hardly anything... (maybe crocodiles). And I want to be confident: not afraid to say hello to someone new, know that I have something worth saying, able to bear my testimony with confidence....!

I am going on a mission!!! yeeeeeessssssssss!! :)