In the spot light

I'm not used to being the center of attention. I've been in it before. I was in a play once, and I've sung solos for choir, church and whatnot. I do fine in the spot light... sometimes. (I've made a fool of myself a few times.) I prefer, however, not to be watched. I do better on the side lines than center stage where all eyes are on me, waiting for me to either mess up or succeed. I get nervous easily; I get embarrassed quickly. I'd much rather watch others step up to the spot light and succeed and then be there for them to congratulate them. But I have been in the spot light before, yes. And I do just fine, normally.

I've never, however, been in the spot light like I feel like I am now. It's intimidating. It's scary. It's BRIGHT. I'm afraid I'll do something stupid. I want to make everyone proud. But it is intimidating having everyone watch me... gossip about me. I don't care that people are talking about me, really. It's just--- when I find out what they are talking about, I feel like I have to correct them. "Yes, Mac and I are really close. He's kinda my boy friend--- not really any more, to tell you the truth. But what does that have to do with you thinking I'm not going on a mission?" is what I want to ask people. "There's not really a connection between them...." I am, by the way, going on a mission. Why do people think I'm not, or worry that I won't?? Do my actions give that impression??... (shrug)

Perhaps it is good that people are watching me. It's good practice for my mission. The whole world will be watching me then. I will have to be standing in the spot light the entire year and a half, letting people see what I do: what I eat, what I say, how I bear my testimony, how I treat my companion, how I'm kind to those I meet... etc. The world will be watching me. It's kind of exciting and intimadating at the same time.

LIGHTS. CAMERA. ACTION.... uhhhhh---- hi!