Jump-back-Jack! Flashes to a past piano perfomance

I took piano lessons when I was eight years old. I wasn't the best at playing the piano, but I continued to play through junior high and a little through high school, just enough to get me through band and choir. For some reason I quit playing. I couldn't remember why--- I told people that it was because I got busy. I didn't lie. I did get busy! Life happens, you know. It's hard to make it to the piano every day.

But I remembered the other day why I initially quit playing the piano....

A little background: I have been playing the piano again. I have been playing for a few weeks now. My sister, who I am living with, is a fantastic piano player. She got a degree in Piano Pedagogy at WSU and she teaches; she has her own piano studio and everything. Anyway, she has been giving me free lessons---(they're really good! And I'm learning lots!)--- so I can play a few hymns while on my mission. Many (Mac, the RMs who went to Perth, Institute teachers, etc.) have said it is a good idea to learn some hymns to play for a mission; in fact, one of the RMs who went to Perth said if he could do it over, the one thing he would change would be to learn to play the piano. So... that's what I'm trying to do: learn a few hymns for my mission. I don't expect to be able to play all of the hymns or be the best piano player in the world--- I just want to have a few hymns under my belt so if it comes down to it (as a last resort) I will be able to play, for example, "There is a green hill far away," which I just finished memorizing and passed off to my teacher/ sister tonight.

Well, yesterday, I was practicing and my sister came in to check on me. I told her that I was doing pretty well. And then I thought it would be fun to have her sing along while I was playing... "Give me an intro," she told me. Excited to show her what I had learned, for I was getting really good, I sat up straight. But when I looked at my hands I couldn't think about the notes. And I couldn't play it for her...

Now, jump back, Jack!--- to the past. It's a Wednesday. I'm about 15 or 16. It's Mutual time, opening exercises. I had played for opening exercises before, but it was just for Young Womens. This time, it was combined, meaning there were more people. There were--- oh, do I dare think of it?!--- BOYS. (lol)

I had "We Thank thee oh, God for a prophet" memorized. I had played it more than a million times at home before I went to the stake center because I knew I was scheduled to play the opening hymn; yet, there I was, looking at my hands, everyone waiting for me to start, and I couldn't move. I felt like crying. Someone in the back coughed and then I could hear whispers. "Is she going to start? Is she waiting for something?"

I knew I had to start. The keyboard got blurry; nevertheless, I knew I had to start playing... SoMeThInG! I let my fingers go down on whatever notes they could reach first. Unfortunately, they were the wrong notes. I guessed again. Wrong. Again! Wrong. By now, I was very embarrassed. Mindy, I remember, had walked in late. I knew she could play this song, so I called her over to the bench. "I can't do it," I whispered to her. "I--- tried. I--- can't. I'm too scared." Mindy smiled and jumped onto the bench. She played and I pretended like I was going to turn the page for her, which she really didn't need, my face red the entire time....

I think THAT is why I quit piano. I have performance anxiety.

*To Be Continued....