Waiting for Something: clips from my journal

I was feeling pensive one night while writing in my actual journal. I had some interesting ideas and I thought I'd share some of them with you.

October 4, 2007

I have been thinking a lot about... my wait to go on a mission. I got my mission call (you may recall) on July 17, 2007. I thought once I got my mission call it would only be a few weeks, a month at the most, before I left. Instead, I do not leave until... the END of November. When I found out [I was going to Australia] the first day, I didn't think much about [the wait]. I was mostly thinking about Australia!--- It seemed so incredible! (It still does.) Now that I have been getting used to the idea of Australia, I realized (or, rather, am feeling) this long time before I go. It's a long time to wait, almost five months. (I mean, it's long, but its going fast at the same time... lately it feels like forever away.)

And I've been wondering--- what am I waiting for?...

I have been speculating and wondering if there is a reason for why I have to wait to be a missionary. Perhaps there are people who I need to meet so I can touch their lives, and I am waiting for them to be ready for me to make a difference in their lives. (Or visa versa) [Maybe I will be touched by certain people, and I am waiting for the timing. Maybe I am waiting for the perfect companion...]

Or maybe (and too) I am suppose to learn a valuable lesson before I go. Love? Heartache? Courage? Assertion? Strength?... Patience?... Maybe I'm waiting for the snow?...

I feel like I'm waiting for something, that's for sure. But what? I just get sick of waiting. I want to be a missionary now. Why am I not in Australia?...

There are 50 days, by the way until I go. It sounds like a lot; in fact, that is what Mac said when I told him how much longer I have. But it really isn't. I'm glad I don't have to wait too much longer. I am excited to be a missionary. At times I'm scared, nervous and I don't know if I can be a good missionary; but most the time, when I think about it, I feel excited, and I can't wait for MY turn.