Jimmy Eat World - My Sundown Lyrics
I see it around me, I see it in everything.
I could be so much more than this.
I said my goodbye's this is my sundown.
I'm gonna be so much more than this.
With one hand high, you'll show them your progress.
You'll take your time, but no one cares.
No one cares.
I need you to show me the way from crazy.
I wanna be so much more than this.
With one hand high, you'll show them your progress.
You'll take your time, but no one cares.
With one hand high, you'll show them your progress.
You'll take your time, but no one cares.
No one cares.
I could be so much more than this.
No one cares.
I wanna be so much more than this.
No one cares.
I could be so much more than this.
No one cares.
I wanna be so much more than this.
No one cares.
I wanna be so much more than this.
No one cares.
I wanna be so much more than this.
Good goodbye lovely time.
Good goodbye tin sunshine.
Good goodbye I'll be fine.
Good goodbye, good goodnight.
Tuesday, November 27, 2007
Singing goodbye
"Saying Sorry"
by: Hawthorne Heights
...Just a few last hours, we gotta make this count (We gotta make this count)
We're counting backwards
Just a few last hours, we gotta make this count
We're falling forwards.
She keeps repeating (She keeps repeating)
all that she needed
She says she's right here (She says she's right here)
she seems so distant
Saying goodbye this time, the same old story
Seeing you cry, makes me feel like saying sorry
Saying sorry we're falling apart
wish we knew this from the start
Saying goodbye's the hardest part
Wish we knew this from the start
Saying goodbye this time, this time
Seeing you cry, makes me feel like saying sorry
by: Hawthorne Heights
...Just a few last hours, we gotta make this count (We gotta make this count)
We're counting backwards
Just a few last hours, we gotta make this count
We're falling forwards.
She keeps repeating (She keeps repeating)
all that she needed
She says she's right here (She says she's right here)
she seems so distant
Saying goodbye this time, the same old story
Seeing you cry, makes me feel like saying sorry
Saying sorry we're falling apart
wish we knew this from the start
Saying goodbye's the hardest part
Wish we knew this from the start
Saying goodbye this time, this time
Seeing you cry, makes me feel like saying sorry
Monday, November 26, 2007
Stretched and Pulled
I've heard of missionaries who leave offending people. Friends and family become bitter and angry because of what the missionary who just departed said and did or didn't do....
I vowed that I would try my hardest not to offend anyone before I leave.
Just before one of my friends left for his mission, he hurt my feelings. It was something very small, but I refused to write him while he was gone because of it, and I was upset with him for a long while. I eventually got over it, realized I was being stupid for being upset over something so small. My friend has matured and just came home from his mission. I'm really proud of him.
At the time that he offended me I didn't understand. How could he be so selfish, so careless? As I am preparing to leave, I realize that he was just human. He probably didn't mean to hurt my feelings. Maybe he didn't even realize that he had.
I'm not perfect. I'm human. I make mistakes, and I have been trying very hard to do what I think is best. At the same time, I have been trying to do what I think is most fun for me.
I suppose it isn't fair that I spent most of my time with my boy friend (and best friend) and not my family. They are going to miss me. I can't blame them. But my thinking has been: my family will be here when I get back; my boy friend probably won't be. I should enjoy being with him while I can.
So, I have been feeling stretched and pulled this last week or so. I want to be with Mac. I love Mac so much. I want to be with my sisters. They're a lot of fun. My parents, well, sometimes drive me up the wall, but I love my parents. I really do.
I'm sorry that I haven't spent time with everyone equally. I'm sorry if I have offended anyone because of it... or if I have offended anyone in any other way. I'm human. I'm not perfect.
I vowed that I would try my hardest not to offend anyone before I leave.
Just before one of my friends left for his mission, he hurt my feelings. It was something very small, but I refused to write him while he was gone because of it, and I was upset with him for a long while. I eventually got over it, realized I was being stupid for being upset over something so small. My friend has matured and just came home from his mission. I'm really proud of him.
At the time that he offended me I didn't understand. How could he be so selfish, so careless? As I am preparing to leave, I realize that he was just human. He probably didn't mean to hurt my feelings. Maybe he didn't even realize that he had.
I'm not perfect. I'm human. I make mistakes, and I have been trying very hard to do what I think is best. At the same time, I have been trying to do what I think is most fun for me.
I suppose it isn't fair that I spent most of my time with my boy friend (and best friend) and not my family. They are going to miss me. I can't blame them. But my thinking has been: my family will be here when I get back; my boy friend probably won't be. I should enjoy being with him while I can.
So, I have been feeling stretched and pulled this last week or so. I want to be with Mac. I love Mac so much. I want to be with my sisters. They're a lot of fun. My parents, well, sometimes drive me up the wall, but I love my parents. I really do.
I'm sorry that I haven't spent time with everyone equally. I'm sorry if I have offended anyone because of it... or if I have offended anyone in any other way. I'm human. I'm not perfect.
Tuesday, November 20, 2007
Sickly's Breakdown
I feel better. I didn't think I would. I have been sick for the past couple days. Not my boy friend's fault, though I did get the cold from him.
Anyway, I thought I was feeling better this morning. Not so. I thought if I told myself that I was better I would feel energetic and I wouldn't sniffle anymore. Not so.
I have a lot of things I need to do before I leave for the MTC next week. Next week, can you believe it??!!!! I thought I could do all of those many things in one day, while, I might add, with a cold. Not so, either.
I finally broke down. In the midst of a hurricane of storage totes and tissues, I fell to the floor of my bedroom and sobbed.
My parents expect me to go to Las Vegas with them tomorrow morning. They expect me to have my stuff packed and be leave at 5am in the morning. They expect me to be be with them more when, clearly, I have nothing else better to do. They expect this... They expect that... I want to make them proud. I want to be a good missionary.
Pulling myself up onto my bed and curled into a ball and sobbed until I couldn't breath. And then I slept.
I've never had a breakdown before. I'm not sure, exactly, what one is, really. If I was to imagine a breakdown, I suppose it would be very close to what happened to me today.
Luckily I have my best friends. And I finally made the call to tell Dad that I am not going with them at 5am in the morning. I can't do it. I will have to come up to Las Vegas for Thanksgiving after that.
I feel better, though I am still very exhausted. I have no more tears left in me. Mac is my hero.
Anyway, I thought I was feeling better this morning. Not so. I thought if I told myself that I was better I would feel energetic and I wouldn't sniffle anymore. Not so.
I have a lot of things I need to do before I leave for the MTC next week. Next week, can you believe it??!!!! I thought I could do all of those many things in one day, while, I might add, with a cold. Not so, either.
I finally broke down. In the midst of a hurricane of storage totes and tissues, I fell to the floor of my bedroom and sobbed.
My parents expect me to go to Las Vegas with them tomorrow morning. They expect me to have my stuff packed and be leave at 5am in the morning. They expect me to be be with them more when, clearly, I have nothing else better to do. They expect this... They expect that... I want to make them proud. I want to be a good missionary.
Pulling myself up onto my bed and curled into a ball and sobbed until I couldn't breath. And then I slept.
I've never had a breakdown before. I'm not sure, exactly, what one is, really. If I was to imagine a breakdown, I suppose it would be very close to what happened to me today.
Luckily I have my best friends. And I finally made the call to tell Dad that I am not going with them at 5am in the morning. I can't do it. I will have to come up to Las Vegas for Thanksgiving after that.
I feel better, though I am still very exhausted. I have no more tears left in me. Mac is my hero.
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
An overwhelming amount of support
I am amazed at all of the support and encouragement I have been given this past week or so. When I spoke in the Singles Ward this last Sunday a countless number of people (some I'd never even met before) came to congratulate me, tell me good luck and let me know that they will be praying for me.
I appreciate the support. I know I can use the encouragement. But right now, I don't know if I'm worthy of it. But that is me, underestimating myself again. I have a tendency to do that.
I am excited, as well as nervous, to speak this Sunday in the home ward. Even though (technically) there aren't farewells anymore, this Sunday will feel and look pretty much like a farewell. I will be speaking for most of the time. My family and friends will be there. I think my boss will even be coming. My best friends will be there. People will want to shake my hand and congratulate me. I'm planning on handing out my address.
I don't know how many people will be there, really. Nevertheless, I'm a little nervous. Dad invited a lot of people. I told people at work about it, my friends from high school, my boss.... The more people I tell about it or hear that my dad is iviting more people, the more nervous I get. But I will be able to do the same talk I did in the Singles Ward. That talk went really well. The only problem was how stiff I felt while talking. I was incredibly tense. After I finished speaking my back was aching and all of my muscles felt tight and strained. Next time I will have to stay loose; keep calm.
Again, I am just amazed at the support people have been showing me: the advice, the stories, the prayers, the smiles, the hugs, the encouragement.... Everyone has been so helpful and supportive.
I feel an urgency to do the work in Australia. At the same time, I feel kind of pressured. What if I mess up? What if I don't make all these wonderful people who are supporting me proud of me?? What if I let them down?... What if... what if... what if...
Blah.
I'll do the best I can. As long as I can have God's help, I know I will be the best missionary possible. I will try my best to make all of you proud of me. Thank you all for your support!! :)
I appreciate the support. I know I can use the encouragement. But right now, I don't know if I'm worthy of it. But that is me, underestimating myself again. I have a tendency to do that.
I am excited, as well as nervous, to speak this Sunday in the home ward. Even though (technically) there aren't farewells anymore, this Sunday will feel and look pretty much like a farewell. I will be speaking for most of the time. My family and friends will be there. I think my boss will even be coming. My best friends will be there. People will want to shake my hand and congratulate me. I'm planning on handing out my address.
I don't know how many people will be there, really. Nevertheless, I'm a little nervous. Dad invited a lot of people. I told people at work about it, my friends from high school, my boss.... The more people I tell about it or hear that my dad is iviting more people, the more nervous I get. But I will be able to do the same talk I did in the Singles Ward. That talk went really well. The only problem was how stiff I felt while talking. I was incredibly tense. After I finished speaking my back was aching and all of my muscles felt tight and strained. Next time I will have to stay loose; keep calm.
Again, I am just amazed at the support people have been showing me: the advice, the stories, the prayers, the smiles, the hugs, the encouragement.... Everyone has been so helpful and supportive.
I feel an urgency to do the work in Australia. At the same time, I feel kind of pressured. What if I mess up? What if I don't make all these wonderful people who are supporting me proud of me?? What if I let them down?... What if... what if... what if...
Blah.
I'll do the best I can. As long as I can have God's help, I know I will be the best missionary possible. I will try my best to make all of you proud of me. Thank you all for your support!! :)
A tornado...!
A frind of mine just left for a mission. She actually spoke in the Singles Ward this last Sunday (with me, by the way; I spoke in the Singles Ward, and it went really well). Anyway, she said, "I can't describe how I feel right now... These past few days have been the hardest, easiest, happiest, saddest, wonderful days of my life."
I bet a lot of people didn't know what she was talking about. I did. I feel the same way. I would describe my feelings like a tornado: all of these myrid of mixed emotions (happy, sad, overwelmed, anxious, excited, nervous, giggly...etc.) are swirling around each other and once in a while one specific one hits me hard, and then another one comes around and hits me, too....
BAM!-- I am so excited to go I can't keep still.
Whamey!--- I feel nervous and shy. I'm afraid to leave to go to Australia.
Whamp!--- I really love my boy friend, and I don't want him to ever let go of me.
Slap!--- I feel an urgency to go and declare the gospel. Only I can do this specific work that God has set aside for me. I HAVE to go; in fact, why am I not there already?
Thump!--- I am so nervous to leave because when I come back things will all be changed.
The wind is blowing...! The tornado is hovering over me. I'm not sure what I am going to be feeling next. I feel so confused, focused, anxious, lonely, happy... and a little hungry.
I think it's lunch time.
I bet a lot of people didn't know what she was talking about. I did. I feel the same way. I would describe my feelings like a tornado: all of these myrid of mixed emotions (happy, sad, overwelmed, anxious, excited, nervous, giggly...etc.) are swirling around each other and once in a while one specific one hits me hard, and then another one comes around and hits me, too....
BAM!-- I am so excited to go I can't keep still.
Whamey!--- I feel nervous and shy. I'm afraid to leave to go to Australia.
Whamp!--- I really love my boy friend, and I don't want him to ever let go of me.
Slap!--- I feel an urgency to go and declare the gospel. Only I can do this specific work that God has set aside for me. I HAVE to go; in fact, why am I not there already?
Thump!--- I am so nervous to leave because when I come back things will all be changed.
The wind is blowing...! The tornado is hovering over me. I'm not sure what I am going to be feeling next. I feel so confused, focused, anxious, lonely, happy... and a little hungry.
I think it's lunch time.
Thursday, November 1, 2007
Finally November
It feels so good to finally be in the month of November. I never thought it would come! Waiting to go on a mission has been longer than I anticipated, but I have enjoyed the wait. I feel prepared to go. I mean, I haven't done the shopping yet, but I still feel like I am prepared to be a missionary. I am going to be a very good missionary. I just know it. I can't wait!
Dad read a talk about missionaries, and he said there are four aspects in life a person should improve in to prepare for a mission: physically, emotionally, spiritually and socially.
Physically: Stay healthy and strong for your mission
I exercise about every day, at least three times a week. I run on the tread-mill. I stretch, and I've been practicing breathing while I run. I also have been trying to eat healthier. Instead of eating chips with my sandwiches, I eat apples and carrots. I've been trying new foods and vegetables....
Emotionally: Know your weakness and how you deal with emotional stress:
Blogging has actually been very helpful. Writing in general, really. It helps me get my feelings out. And, of course, praying and knowing that I'm loved helps me deal with my emotional stress.
Spiritually: Become knowledgeable about the scriptures and strengthen your testimony
I've memorized the purpose of a missionary, D&C 4, and I've read Preach My Gospel. (I love Preach My Gospel!) I pray every day, several times a day, and I have personal scripture study and I study with my boy friend on Sundays. I am also taking Missionary Prep class for the second time.
Socially: Feel confident to talk to others
I ride the bus from Dee Events Center parking lot every Monday, Wednesday and Friday, and I have this goal to meet someone new each time. It's really fun. I talk to interesting students, each with different dreams and reasons for going to school. Also, working at the Writing Center gives me a lot of confidence to talk to others.
I have prepared in other ways, too. I have the red luggage. I am more confident in my looks, and I'm not really afraid to say what I feel anymore. I've been learning to play the piano...!
Prepare, prepare, prepare!
That's what I've been doing for the past five months. It's also been fun to have this free time to hang out/ talk with friends I haven't seen in a while, try new foods, new experiences, learn to play the drums and take risks.
I feel ready for my mission. It's getting closer. I'm getting more and more excited to go! HAPPY NOVEMBER!
Dad read a talk about missionaries, and he said there are four aspects in life a person should improve in to prepare for a mission: physically, emotionally, spiritually and socially.
Physically: Stay healthy and strong for your mission
I exercise about every day, at least three times a week. I run on the tread-mill. I stretch, and I've been practicing breathing while I run. I also have been trying to eat healthier. Instead of eating chips with my sandwiches, I eat apples and carrots. I've been trying new foods and vegetables....
Emotionally: Know your weakness and how you deal with emotional stress:
Blogging has actually been very helpful. Writing in general, really. It helps me get my feelings out. And, of course, praying and knowing that I'm loved helps me deal with my emotional stress.
Spiritually: Become knowledgeable about the scriptures and strengthen your testimony
I've memorized the purpose of a missionary, D&C 4, and I've read Preach My Gospel. (I love Preach My Gospel!) I pray every day, several times a day, and I have personal scripture study and I study with my boy friend on Sundays. I am also taking Missionary Prep class for the second time.
Socially: Feel confident to talk to others
I ride the bus from Dee Events Center parking lot every Monday, Wednesday and Friday, and I have this goal to meet someone new each time. It's really fun. I talk to interesting students, each with different dreams and reasons for going to school. Also, working at the Writing Center gives me a lot of confidence to talk to others.
I have prepared in other ways, too. I have the red luggage. I am more confident in my looks, and I'm not really afraid to say what I feel anymore. I've been learning to play the piano...!
Prepare, prepare, prepare!
That's what I've been doing for the past five months. It's also been fun to have this free time to hang out/ talk with friends I haven't seen in a while, try new foods, new experiences, learn to play the drums and take risks.
I feel ready for my mission. It's getting closer. I'm getting more and more excited to go! HAPPY NOVEMBER!
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