Sickly's Breakdown

I feel better. I didn't think I would. I have been sick for the past couple days. Not my boy friend's fault, though I did get the cold from him.

Anyway, I thought I was feeling better this morning. Not so. I thought if I told myself that I was better I would feel energetic and I wouldn't sniffle anymore. Not so.

I have a lot of things I need to do before I leave for the MTC next week. Next week, can you believe it??!!!! I thought I could do all of those many things in one day, while, I might add, with a cold. Not so, either.

I finally broke down. In the midst of a hurricane of storage totes and tissues, I fell to the floor of my bedroom and sobbed.

My parents expect me to go to Las Vegas with them tomorrow morning. They expect me to have my stuff packed and be leave at 5am in the morning. They expect me to be be with them more when, clearly, I have nothing else better to do. They expect this... They expect that... I want to make them proud. I want to be a good missionary.

Pulling myself up onto my bed and curled into a ball and sobbed until I couldn't breath. And then I slept.

I've never had a breakdown before. I'm not sure, exactly, what one is, really. If I was to imagine a breakdown, I suppose it would be very close to what happened to me today.

Luckily I have my best friends. And I finally made the call to tell Dad that I am not going with them at 5am in the morning. I can't do it. I will have to come up to Las Vegas for Thanksgiving after that.

I feel better, though I am still very exhausted. I have no more tears left in me. Mac is my hero.